A Week with Tim

So, I have decided to do a little updating. My first week in NYC ended up pretty good; although, the wait for auditions is quite taxing, especially when you get typed out. For those not familiar with this term, it simply means you get up early, sign your name on a list, and then stand in a room where they look at you and determine whether they listen to you sing or not. Unfortunately, in my case, I have been typed out! Talk about frustration! Anyway, I am spending this week with a friend named Tim that I worked with on my first cruise ship. We enjoyed a day today of watching a show that is being workshopped for Broadway. It was free, and it is a good thing because I wasn't a big fan of the show. Afterward, we went to an overpriced burger joint and ended up spending 20 bucks on 2 burgers, fries, and drinks! Welcome to New York! Here is a pic of Tim rehearsing some music on the couch -- a.k.a -- my bed. I'm sure the neighbors get annoyed with all the singing that goes on here, but we have fun. That is all from the Big Apple tonight.

NYC, dreams, and old friends

If any of you don't know, I am now in NYC going for the big "Broadway dream." It has been a crazy first week, full of first -time experiences such as : a stolen subway pass, a Broadway audition, a solo night walk in Harlem, and NYC rush-hour metro rides. I am enjoying it and have reconnected with so many friends from my past. I have been staying with a great friend named Anthony that I met in 2001 at HersheyPark. It has been great to see him again. I am sleeping on the couch and actually leave to stay with another friend from Norwegian Cruise Lines tomorrow. I am bouncing from couch to couch in order to pursue this crazy dream that possesses so many in this business. I am learning alot and have been going to Times Square Church with Pastor David Wilkerson -- what a preacher!!! I will post pics soon of some of my old friends. For those of you that have known me for years, you will recognize many of the faces.

A Healthy Diet

The book I am reading addresses the problem of rushing through the emotional process of divorce. The secret of healing is time. In our fast food, instant gratification world, we are ill-equipped to properly heal. Patience is a foreign concept to most all living in the 21st century, and to the computer generation, it is hardly even a concept. Being patient with pain is uncomfortable for all humans past and present, but especially to those of us that have never had to wait for basic necessities. No more library card catalogues, we have endless amounts of resources at the click of a mouse. Safe ( or fairly safe) water is a available at the twisting of a knob or the twisting of a bottle cap (for the skeptics of the government water standards). Microwaves have eliminated heating on a stovetop range. Remote controls have replaced a brief move to the TV set. Ipods have efficiently reduced the one minute process of changing a CD. Now you only have to wait ten to 15 seconds to hear a different artist. Prepackaged cookie dough has eliminated the timeful process of baking from scratch. There is not much I have to wait on or for. God is the only thing that forces me to be patient. He forces me to stop and deal with the innermost parts of my heart. It seems, as I evaluate my relationship with Him, I often want to make Him too a part of my fast fix lifestyle. I expect Him to be a fast food God. He is not and will never be. He refuses to give into my tantrums or questions as to why He doesn't fix the situation NOW. What a great thing -- A God claiming He stays the same (past, present, and future) and proving it true. He will not conform to the times. He will not be an instant gratifier. He is not a fast food God. I am getting healthy because of it-- the kind of healthy that comes from fixing the problem instead of masking it. No prescriptions for me today. I'll try the natural cure first.

The Stages

So, everyone says grief comes in different stages. I have definitely hit the anger stage. Here is the scenario.

Amanda & Tres meet : Tres has = $ 70, Amanda has = $3,500 (just savings)

Amanda & Tres marry: Tres = $40, 000 debt, Amanda = $15,000 debt

Tres leaves Amanda: Tres = no debt, Amanda = $4, 000 debt

After marriage: Tres = $40 K paid off, Amanda= $11 K paid off

Splitting of money: Tres = gets equal split, Amanda = no make up for debt payoff

Now:
Tres = great choice to marry
Amanda= stupid choice to marry

Technological Advances

During this time in my life, I have had tons of time to spend on the internet. Along with myspace, I have made some other advances in the technological world. One is an account that shows pics of all the places I have visited. If anyone is interested, just click on the link on the righthand side of this page entitled "My Photos from Around the World." I have not posted all of the countries, but they should be there soon. Also, I have been keeping a pretty intense blog of my journey through this divorce that can be viewed by anyone by going to www.myspace.com/openendedfuture. My blog can be viewed by all, not just myspace account holders, if some are interested in more serious entries. It is 4 a.m., and I should be asleep instead of awake. Hope you enjoy the pics and the blogging. Thank you for the encouraging comments and still checking this.

The Big 3-0!

My new found sewing skills, wakeboarding, belting, and hitting my ideal weight! :)

I have officially hit 30! It has always been one of my biggest dreads. It's here though. Here are some thoughts on the subject matter from my journal.
"So, this is what 30 is like? Seems strange to think life has taken this turn at this specific age, but I think there are great things to come in the 30's. I'm not sad. I'm glad where I am . I think it is a good place to be. I have a new start, and luckily, have my health, soul, and mind to escort me into this phase. Instead of being sad and mourning the last ten years, I have decided to see this as positive, per advice given by my friend Ammon. I am going to list some of the wisdom and improvements I have now as compared to ten years ago. Some are shallow. Please grant me that, seeing it is my only day to revel in them. Here goes:
Improvements at 30 as compared to 20
1). I am much thinner than I was in college, or even high school. At 30, I am at my ideal weight.
2). I now know how to manage my hair and wear it both curly and straight. At twenty, managing the hair was a problem. It was basically big and frizzy or short and blond. (big mistake)
3). I can now run three miles easily. At twenty, I struggled to do one and a half. In high school, I couldn't even do one!
4). Hiking, camping, and outdoor sports are my favorite forms of entertainment. At twenty, I must say a theme park or concert was tops.
5). I have been to 28 countries; whereas, at twenty, I had been to three.
6). I now have polished cullinary skills. At twenty, I had never used an oven!
7). I can healthily belt (sing) to an F; whereas, at twenty I could hit an unhealthy D. (an F is higher for the musically uneducated) :)
8). I can now sew by hand and with a machine. At twenty, I could not sew a button.
9). I've grown a small herb and vegetable garden. At twenty, my hands were not digging into dirt for fear of worms.
10). I have had a personal life crises and not crumbled. At twenty, I crumbled with gossip.
11). I am a connoisseur of fine cheeses. At twenty, Velveeta processed cheese food pleased my palette.
12). I now know how to wakeboard, windsurf, and kayak.
No more narcissism. I've come a long way in the last ten years. Hopefully, the next ten will bring even more adventures, skills, and knowledge. Welcome, 30. "