A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Well, NYC has certainly been interesting. Honestly, I do not love this city. It is much too big, too crowded, too concrete, too confined for my liking. Truth be told, I have found out I am a country girl at heart. Yesterday I found a park outside the city and spent quite awhile there. It was so peaceful and quiet. I actually heard birds and saw squirrels, and yes, my heart was at rest. I spent quite a few hours just being still and trying to hear deep inside of me -- the cry of my heart. In such a busy city, the aim is to get all tasks accomplished with as little interruptions as possible so self-evaluation gets put on the backburner. Rarely have I gotten that time since I arrived in the Big Apple. Here are some of my "park time" thoughts.
I can't remember a time I didn't have at least one dream. From being a missionary, to a toll booth employee, to a singer, to a travel writer, to a politician, I have always dreamed and dreamed big. As I sit here in the quiet, I am beginning to question what is the true dream of my heart. There have been so many throughout the years. The Bible says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Dreams vs. Desires is the question here. Are they the same? I dream of performing on Broadway, yet my desire is to simply sing. I dream of having lots of investments, yet my desire is security. I dream of being married, yet my desire is to be loved. Are our dreams simply a "tangible plan" to see our desires become reality? If so, than what is the true desire of my heart? This is the question I am coming closer to answering every day. The answer is still hazy, but it is not as clouded as it was a month ago. There is a strange fear the answer I find may not be what I expected. I have recently found that my view of performing art is different than I thought. Performing has been my vehicle for new experiences and places. The actual idea of moving to NYC as a vehicle for performimg is not half as appealing as the former; therefore, my love may have been for the benefits of performing as opposed to the sheer love of it. This is why I have made this trip -- in order to experience and find truth, whatever it may be. I do not know exactly what my desires are and whether my dreams are just plans to get closer to them. I guess my answer lies in the verse -- delight yourself in the Lord. The answers would come much easier if I could learn to always do that. Until I get there, I will continue to question my heart, enjoy this experience, and pursue this dream that I think is desire.

I posted some pics from my walk. The beautiful building is called "The Cloisters" museum, filled with wonderful medievil European relics. The benches were just sunny and peaceful. The snowman gave me hope that there are children that still act like children in this hardened city. The ivy wall was just pretty. And the tree (look closely) has a fat squirrel trying to make his way into a hole in the tree. He didn't succeed.