Saying Goodbye

Goodbye has always been fairly easy for me. Whether death, relocation, or vacations, I have never wrestled with parting, rather I anxiously awaited the next adventure. In the last few months, I have fought to face reality and accept it. I have struggled with self-doubt, extreme emotions, and even lack of desire for living. Most of my questions are unanswered. I was replaced by another woman. Love has become a fact instead of a feeling. In the past week, I have come to the understanding that I will soon have to say goodbye to Tres as my husband. Our divorce is scheduled for May, and then I will no longer be a wife legally. My last tie to him will be cut. While there are new adventures on the way, I am struggling a bit with this goodbye. The last four months have been my working through to this point, but as the time approaches, I realize how much secret hope I have held of a miraculous change. The kind that only happens in the movies. The divorce will be shutting a door for me. It will be closure, and I will be able to move on from the limbo I have been in for four months. Oh, the dread that comes before a huge moment. I can only hope the future that follows is filled with a brightness far greater than the dread that foreshadows it.