Words from a wise woman

A wise woman recently told me you cannot ignore the past, and it is ridiculous to go about as if it never happened. Her words were accurate, and they could not have come at a better time. Over the last six months, I have journeyed through pain, or the most pain I have encountered thus far. The sadness and aching has lessened considerably, and a joy is slowly being restored that seems somewhat more mature than what I have known in the past. Maybe this is the beginning of a wisdom I have so badly desired and needed. I hope.

This Thursday I move to Ohio in hopes of starting a new life. From the job aspect to living alone, all I encounter will be completely new. I am trying to maintain a realistic viewpoint while resisting the temptation to romanticize the small town life as portrayed in the movies. My apartment is cute. The grocery store is walkable. I even have a red bike with a basket. I will have a whole new life. This creates a sort of escape for me from all I have encountered in the last year. No more pain. No more memories. No more Tres. I will not have to discuss the past. I can create a whole new identity apart from what I was before. It is ideal, and a route I have often opted for in the past.

The above mentioned wisdom has changed me though. Rehashing things often is never fun or desirable, but I do refuse the escape option this time in my life. Tres was a huge part of my life that changed me forever. Six months later I can say I would not willfully choose the path I have been on, but I do believe I am out of the deep forest now and see light ahead, quite bright light. I am thankful for a faithful God that has carried me through the dark places. I am even thankful for the irony of healing tragedies. As I do a heart evaluation before a transitioning time, I think the lyrics from a favorite Broadway show sum it up best.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good."